consider the trampoline

On any balmy day, you will find American backyards awash with people soaring sky-high on familiar big, bouncy contraptions. 

"For practical purposes, everyone knows what a [trampoline] is." It's a conglomeration of metal legs connected in a circular fashion with a round, elastic mat stretched across the rim with sturdy metal springs. If you have one of the more expensive ones, you can also expect a series of metal rods sticking up at evenly spaced intervals around the circumference of the trampoline, supporting a net that supposedly prevents jumpers from falling outside. Trampolines come in various sizes, can be circular or rectangular, and are supplemented with safety pads in bright, appealing hues. They can be used by children, teenagers, and adults alike.

Undoubtedly, the trampoline serves as an avenue of fun, entertainment, and healthy exercise. But have you ever thought of the potential risks associated with jumping on it? What would the doctors say about this deceptively merry medium of play and enjoyment? Can the harms be avoided by rule-abiding users? "Is the whole thing just a matter of personal [carefulness]?" 

If an unsuspecting child jumps close enough to the side rail, broken arms and legs could be the result. If you are unfortunate enough to let your head come in contact with the side rail or even with other people's heads, then not only will you see stars, but the whole Milky Way galaxy too, as you slip into the dark realm of painful concussions. Jumping off the trampoline and onto something on the ground can bring about lacerations; bumping into others may produce abdominal injuries. Ramming into the evil side rail is also a cause of the latter two grievances. And let's not get into the broken necks and spinal cord injuries, which often end in permanent paralysis or even death for the victim.* 

But that's not to say that one should flee from even the slightest shadow of these monstrous man-injurers. Not at all. In fact, I myself have a jumbo-sized trampoline sitting in my very own backyard.** Whenever Michigan's hormonal weather slips up into a breezy, wonderful day, I zip outside and onto my lovely trampoline. After all, jumping on one can essentially improve the quality of life by keeping you active, fit, and healthy!

*The American Academy of Pediatrics says, "Parents should never purchase a home trampoline or allow children to use home trampolines." Their high concern for child safety is evident in this strongly-worded piece of advice. 

**No, seriously, I do.